Relationship with the Family
Spouse – The pastor’s relationship with his wife is his primary earthly relationship and should take precedence over all other earthly relationships. He should love his wife sacrificially, as Christ loved the church. Their marriage relationship should be nurtured and guarded vigorously. The pastor must remember that he and his wife are one flesh. He does not have a separate ministry life and then a personal life with his wife. She must be trusted and included in his ministry. The pastor should take care to spend time with his wife, and should honor her at all times, living with her in an understanding way. He should not speak ill of her, or treat her disrespectfully. He should not develop intimate relationships with other women, but should focus his attentions and affections on his wife. He must prove faithful to his wife at all times.
Children – The pastor’s children are his temporary charges to train in the ways of the Lord. He must discipline them and rule them well to prepare them for a godly life and to be an example to others. The pastor must understand that discipline is an expression of love, and that an unruly child reflects poorly on the pastor’s ability to love and shepherd his flock. The pastor should not exasperate his children. He should never belittle or humiliate them, call them names, neglect their care, or physically or sexually abuse them. The pastor should spend time with his children and lavish them with affection and praise. Through prayer, witnessing and living an exemplary life, the pastor should seek to win his children to Christ at the earliest possible moment in life, baptize them, and develop in them the fruit of the Spirit.
Parents and Relatives – The pastor’s command to honor his father and his mother is a lifelong obligation. He should seek to maintain close ties with his parents and siblings, striving for peace and reconciliation. The pastor must be willing to accept responsibility for providing for the needs of his family, ensuring that they have adequate food, clothing, shelter and medical care.
Time Management – The pastor must understand that the Lord created a 24-hour day. All that the Lord requires of the pastor in order to live a healthy, godly personal life and to be an effective shepherd can be done in 24 hours. Time allotted to sleep, exercise, devotions, family, recreation, and ministry responsibilities should be adequate and balanced, and should promote a godly lifestyle, healthy relationships and effective ministry.
Spiritual Leadership – The pastor is the spiritual leader of his home, as well as the church. He should lead his family in attending worship and in personal devotions. His family should actively participate in the life of the church. He should guard against the temptations of pornography, gambling, and alcohol and drug abuse. He should be temperate, self-controlled and prudent in his interactions with others. He should lead a life of prayer.
Relationship with the Church
Member/Staff Role – As a member of the church and the church’s staff, the pastor must respect that the church is both his flock and his employer. As shepherd of the flock, the pastor should set a good example in church attendance. He is the chief worship leader in the church. He should participate in every aspect of the worship services of the church, and he should be punctual. He should take his responsibilities seriously, and not be a complainer. He should be diligent in keeping his office hours and honoring his holiday and vacation schedule.
Equipping Role – As the equipping pastor of the church, the pastor’s scholarship should be of the highest caliber. He should spend adequate time in personal study of the Scriptures in preparation for his weekly messages, Bible studies and counseling sessions. He must approach the teaching of God’s Word with great caution, care and reverence, and must guard his teaching ministry as a sacred trust. The pastor must be prayerful and diligent in his studies, giving no foothold to popular psychology, modern notions of knowledge or the opinions of men. He must continually strive to reach the highest standard of scholarship that the guidance of the Holy Spirit and his training, experience and conviction will afford him. He must ever remain a student of the Bible, keeping a teachable spirit about him and enduring correction, reproof and instruction with humility and grace.
Support Given and Required – The pastor must be fully supported by the church; financially, morally and spiritually. He should be paid above the scale afforded similarly structured secular positions in the local community and geographic area of the church, given the responsibilities, demands, education, training, and experience required of the position. He must be encouraged and prayed for by the church. He should be given all the necessary resources to fulfill his responsibilities to the church, including staff, budget, authority, time and freedom. He should support the church in prayer and giving. The church should submit to his leadership and position. He should not adopt an “us-them” or “labor-management” attitude, but should see himself as spiritual leader and co-laborer.
Development and Growth – The pastor should read books and periodicals, and attend classes, conferences and other meetings which are likely to improve his skills and effectiveness in ministry. He should be diligent in personal devotions and the spiritual disciplines. The pastor should evidence continual sanctification and spiritual growth throughout his life, ever increasingly reflecting the character of Christ.
Relationship with the Staff
Personal Relationships – The pastor should work to develop personal working relationships with all staff with whom he works. Such relationships should be conducted honorably in a fashion becoming ministers of the gospel. He should not use foul language or course jesting. He should maintain an even temper and be cordial at all times, never raising his voice or speaking to or about a staff member disrespectfully. The pastor should not drink alcohol with staff members or encourage them to do so.
Spiritual Relationship – The Pastor is the chief discipler and accountability partner of the staff with whom he works. He should make time to invest in them and spiritually coach them. He must set an example of high integrity, honesty, and morality. He should encourage financial, sexual and moral purity and hold his staff accountable to the highest standard.
Collegial Support – The pastor should support and not undermine other ministers on the church staff. He should delegate authority and responsibilities and then give ample time and resources, including prayer and verbal encouragement, to see that objectives are met and ministry in effectively conducted. Staff members with titles should be addressed according as “pastor,” or “doctor,” etc. The pastor should be quick to praise the work and successes of other staff. Reprimands and corrections should always be done in private. The pastor should remember that unity in the essential doctrines of the faith is required, but that liberty should be exercised with regard to non-essential doctrines. Theological differences can exist between co-laborers on a church staff if the relationship is conducted with charity.
Relationship with the Community
As an Exemplar of the Faith/Church – The pastor must have a good reputation outside the church in the local community. He should be careful to conduct himself in public in a manner consistent with his position and calling. He should be kind and courteous in all his public affairs. He should be honest and fair in his dealings. He should ensure that he avoids even the appearance of impropriety so as not to bring shame upon his church, his calling or the Name of Christ. His Christian character, spiritual gifts, and public deeds should all speak well of him and reflect positively upon his church and his Lord.
Ministry Opportunity as well as Responsibility – The pastor’s ministry obligation in the community is that of evangelist. He is not expected to attend to the needs of those outside the body of Christ, except as he is led by the Holy Spirit in individual cases. The pastor’s primary responsibility is to shepherd his flock, not the community, as those in the community at large are not his sheep. He should not offer spiritual counseling to unbelievers except as a means to evangelize them. The pastor is not responsible for addressing poverty, drug abuse or other social ills in the community except as a means of evangelism. Any impact the pastor may have on the welfare and morality of the community is of no spiritual value if people are not convicted and won to Christ.
