Thomas, Gary L. Sacred Parenting. Zondervan: Grand Rapids, 2004. 231 pp. $13.99
Introduction
Gary L. Thomas has written numerous books and articles for Christian publications on the subject of family life and Christian living, is a frequent guest on the Focus on the Family and Family Life radio broadcasts, and teaches at Western Seminary in Portland, Oregon (back cover). The thesis of his book is that God has given us marriage as a spiritual discipline to make us holy, and to bring us into a more intimate relationship with Him.
Summary
Thomas’ thesis is “How raising children shapes our souls.” (front cover) He has not written a book on how-to-raise-children. Thomas lays out, in 13 chapters, various spiritual gleanings he has accumulated through raising his own children.
Critical Evaluation
The author’s thesis is well supported throughout the book. However, much of what he has to say in support of his thesis is obvious. There is little original thought or piercing insight. Unlike the previous volume I read for this course, Sacred Marriage, also by the same author, Sacred Parenting was a bit boring. The book is largely anecdotal and inspirational in nature. The book does not flow well compared to Sacred Marriage. Rather it seems to jump from idea to idea, searching for something meaningful to say about its subject. I found the book a disappointment.
At times the supporting anecdotes and stories seemed disconnected from the point the author was trying to make. In one instance, Thomas tells of a man named Buchman who responded to the leading of the Holy Spirit to witness to someone. He holds the story up as an example of how important it is to listen meditatively to God (p. 64). Oddly, this story appears in Chapter 4: Seizing Heaven. The chapter is supposed to help parents listen more attentively to God by raising children who love and want to spend time with God. But, Thomas’ example strays from his premise. A poor premise and a poor example.
The book was not a total waste, however. I appreciated the author’s point about the difficulties faced by “coddled kids” (p. 34). Thomas argues that kids who are never challenged or disappointed may grow up with a distorted view of the world and may have trouble overcoming challenges later in life. He correctly points out that trials in the lives of young people often produce spiritual fruit. He blames the parents of coddled kids for their cowardice and suggests that kids get a chance to scrape their knees in life in order to learn some of its more important lessons. This was one of the book’s better sections.
I disagreed with Thomas’ position that since he wanted to love his children as God loved them that he was “trying to compete with God” (p. 44). The idea is a bit silly. We should strive to become as Christ-like as possible. Love is an area where should especially seek to excel in Christ-likeness. We are commanded in Scripture to “be perfect, even as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Matthew 5:48). Love being the highest virtue and the sum of the Law (Matthew 22:36-40), Thomas is off here.
Another bright section in the book discussed the legacy of raising kids in a Christ-centered home (pp. 86-87). The odds are so much higher that our kids will grow up to serve the Lord because of the example we’ve given them in a Christian home. The benefits of a Christian life lived out in faith and humility can lead our children into “a tranquil and quiet life in all godliness and dignity” (1 Timothy 2:2). But, the greatest legacy of a Christian home is the eternal security of the children we have raised in the “nurture and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).
The most heartening section of the book was the one on our vulnerability as parents who may, at some point, face the ultimate loss, the loss of a child (pp. 92-93). I was touched by the section and was reminded again of my own personal fears that God may some day ask my wife, Stephanie, and me to walk through the deep waters of the loss of one of our children. Thomas is correct that we can’t protect our children from life, that God is sovereign in all things and that we must trust our children to Him who loves them more than we ever could.
I appreciated the author’s discussion of anger (p. 106-108). If the reader will allow me one quote: “…anger is not for the immature. It requires a certain spiritual sophistication to wield it appropriately.” (p. 107) As parents we should be slow to anger, as God is slow to anger, and we must be careful not to allow our anger to become wrathful or vengeful toward our children, but to keep it in check. This is a lesson with universal spiritual application, and I think where the author most closely reaches profundity in approaching his thesis.
In chapter 9, Thomas explains how parents sometimes have to tough it out in raising their children. There aren’t always going to be easy solutions. Sometimes the only refuge is perseverance (p. 146). We need to be reminded that it is okay and, in fact, spiritually desirable to practice the discipline of perseverance in parenting. It’s alright if everything doesn’t work out according to plan. We will survive the difficult child, chicken pox and puberty.
Conclusion
I could not help making comparisons between this book and Sacred Marriage. This book tends to inspiration and reflection where Sacred Marriage tends to instruction and a call to action. I prefer the latter in seminary assignments. As I read, I kept thinking that the author was digging deep, but not coming up with much. I prayed over the book each time I picked it up, but overall received little from it other than encouragement and a few insights.
Perhaps the one impact the book made in my life was the resolution to write my own life history for my children and their children, something I was inspired to do while reading the chapter on focusing on the things that matter most in life (p. 156). This book will take its place on my library shelf next to Sacred Marriage, but it will not hold the same spiritual place. This work would have been better as a daily devotional, rather than a text on the spiritual development of Christians who raise children.
